Warning to all pet owners… a very sad post
We had to have our dog put to sleep on Monday last week… it was terrible. There have to be 500 reasons to not have a pet but the #1 reason is dealing with their death. It’s torture. We knew it was his time, he had lymphoma.
His body was worn down to nothing, all of his bones were protruding, he had tumors all over his body, he didn’t have the energy to bark at our passing neighbors, he could barely walk and he wasn’t begging or eating anymore. We knew it was time. So we waited for both kids to be in school and took him to the vet. I carried him to the car and JT had to carry him into the vet. While laying on the table his ears were perked and it made me think we were making the wrong decision but… we weren’t. We spent some time with him. I kissed his nose and stroked his silky ears, they came in and put a line into his vein, they had a hard time because he was so thin. The needle startled him and he put his nose on my hand. The doctor gave us more time with him before she came back with the medicine. We loved on him and I started to cry because it just didn’t seem right. I couldn’t stay in the room in case he had a bad reaction, I didn’t want that to be my last memory so JT stayed with him. As I walked out I turned to look and he was watching me leave, it was very sad. I cried in the waiting room and sat so I could see the exam room door. I saw the nurse and doctor walk in… and not 5 minutes later they walked back out. JT was behind them a few minutes later, he was crying and that’s the worst to see your big, strong husband be broken down to tears.
He told me he took a big deep breath and laid his head down on his paws, he fell asleep peacefully. Everyone was crying. Me, JT, the doctor, the nurses. It was one of the worst things we’ve had to do… the first was letting our first dog go.
We quietly came home, justifying our decision with lots of excuses (he was sick, he couldn’t walk, etc) but it never feels okay. You feel like you’ve killed your best friend. Nothing makes it okay, no amount of excuses. We got home and that’s when I sobbed. The thought of walking around the house without him greeting us or even just following us to see what we’re doing, it was all too much.
Luckily it rained that day so we sat around and mourned until it was time to pick up the kids. I cried at pick up when a friend said some nice things. I told the kids when they got in the car. L cried and J wasn’t really processing it… so we came home and cuddled on the couch and watched a movie.
Each day gets better but it’s still hard. We always think we hear him moving… his nails on the door frame, a creak of the floor from him walking. JT still expects to see him laying behind him in his office here at home. I was alone one night and it was strange because my protection was gone, even though he could barely hear and could hardly see anymore.
We are awaiting his ashes and I’m sure the sadness will start all over again once they arrive.
He was a difficult dog to own. He caused a lot of grief for us… we are convinced that Marley and Me was written about him. He chewed on everything, stole food from our counters, dug in the trash… all those yucky dog behaviors BUT he was our dog and we still loved him.
We are now dog-less. We have had dogs since we were engaged, so this is a new thing. We will be dog-less for a while. No puppies or rescues in our future. This makes the kids sad because they grew up with our two but life will be a little easier, as much as it pains me to say it.
I’ll miss his silky ears, he had a sweet smelling spot on his forehead, the black spot on his rump, the way he would place his head on the couch and look at you if he needed something, the security you provided us, the way he would run around the house looking for you (we’d totally play hide and seek, the kids loved it)… and so many other things…
Thank you Roscoe for all your love, companionship and loyalty for the 12 1/2 years we had you in our lives. Have fun running around with Rudy in Doggy Heaven. RIP buddy!!
Photos taken in early September