When I was trick or treating back in the day I used to HATE it when people would ask me for a trick or a joke. God, nothing like being in the spotlight and I hate being on stage even more than being scared. plus I was never prepared so here are some jokes that you can tell your little ones, I assure you they are all groan worthy, then your child will be prepared.
Who won the skeleton beauty contest? – No body!
Where do baby ghosts go during the day?– Dayscare centers!
Who did Frankenstein take to the prom? – His ghoul friend
Where do spooks water ski? – Lake Erie
What happened to the guy that didn’t pay his exorcist? – He was repossessed
How do you mend a broken Jack-O-Lantern? – With a pumpkin patch
Why was the mummy so tense? – He was all wound up
Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? – He didn’t have the guts
This one is more for the adults:
Things We’ve Learned From Horror Films (found at www.halloween-online.com)
- When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it’s really dead, it not!
- If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house, move immediately.
- Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
- Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
- When you have the benefit of a group of people, NEVER pair off and go it alone.
- As a general rule, don’t solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
- If you are searching for something that caused a noise and find out that it’s just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life.
- If you find a town that look deserted, it’s probably for a reason. Take a hint, Leave!
- If you’re running from a monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are a female. Even though you may be faster than the monster, you can be sure that it will catch you.
- If your friends suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.
- If you car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.
- Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, or band saws. This is especially true if they are wearing a hockey mask or one made of human skin.
Okay there your children are armed with their new jokes and you are armed with the reminders of how to run from monsters and avoid becoming a victim of the next horror movie filming in your hometown.