Works for Me Wednesday – Backwards Edition

Help I need sleep! I have not had a good night’s sleep in forever. I am feeling like crap today and poor L is so tired she is barely functioning. So every night around 11:30/12:00 L is coming into our room and sleeping with us. Most nights we don’t even realize she is with us until she kicks us and we are just so tired neither of us gets up to do anything about it. I know I know… I just don’t want to listen to the tantrum and have her risk waking up her brother. Who by the way is also joining us on a regular basis. So that makes 4 of us in a tiny queen bed. What do I do? I have to nip it in the bud.

Her highness even has her very own blanket and pillow that she situates at the end of our bed.. I took a picture as proof.

I’ll admit it was cute the first couple of times beccause I kept thinking this isn’t going to last forever, but guess what it’s not going away and now it’s got to stop.

Can you help?

See if you can help another mom or woman with a dilemma she might have at WFMW this week.

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14 thoughts on “Works for Me Wednesday – Backwards Edition

  1. Practice tough love? Lock the doors in your bedroom and don’t let her in. Of course, talk to her first, explaining that she needs to sleep in her own bed as she’s a big girl now. Maybe plan some nights in a week to “test” out her sleeping in her own room, and have her agree to it. Tell her that you’ll be locking your own bedroom door on those nights so she won’t be shocked if she does try and enter your room.

    Just a suggestion. Hope it works out!

  2. Lisa says:

    We put a crib mattress on our floor. If a kid came in, that’s the place they got. They didn’t wake us and we all got sleep. It doesn’t solve the problem but it gets them out of the bed.

    Or, just use a sleeping bag.

    Or, do what Super Nanny does – escort them back to their room without engaging in conversation again and again and again until they stop coming in all together. This means you get a few nights of no sleep but she says this method works!!!

    I can sympathize. We don’t get a lot of sleep at our house either.

  3. Lisa says:

    I sympathize with your needing your bed to yourself for good sleep! Is there some reason she’s needing extra comfort or support from you at this time? The beginning of school maybe? Very often these things will just wear themselves out, but I’m all for giving security if it’s needed. But not in your bed if she’s disrupting everyone’s sleep. Have you tried making her a little special bed all her own in a corner of your room? Or maybe even out on the couch, or in a “tent” in her room or in the living room? Best of luck to you! Sleep deprivation makes coping with anything harder ~ but especially if it’s more sleep deprivation…

  4. I agree with the tough love, as much as I don’t like it sometimes!
    Best of luck!!

  5. This is kind of similar – my kids get candy every morning that they stay in bed until the sun comes up.

    It’s one of those type of things i swore I would never do – and then I had kids.

    Or you could make a chart and when she gets so many stickers or whatever, she gets a cool prize. If she and her brother can compete at it, all the better.

  6. Leanne says:

    You could try the marble jar. Ok it is bribery but when your shattered and it works who cares. Doesn’t have to be marbles that’s just what I had on hand.

    I had a jar which held about 20 marbles and for every consecutive night she spent in her own bed she got a marble added to the jar, each marble represented £1 (I was feeling generous, but whatever you want to give in exchange for the marbles, ice cream, sweets, a day out whatever) but she could only exchange the marbles once the jar was full.

    I only had to do it once, it was tough the first night, try to pick a night where you can manage on little sleep, no big meetings or trips out the next day. A Saturday night worked best for me because then we could take it easy on Sunday.

    Just try to persevere the first night and keep talking her back to her bed.

    Good luck.

  7. Jendeis says:

    Talk to her about the reasons she’s not sleeping in her own bed. Is it because she is worried about you two? Does she have bad dreams or is there a monster in her room?

    Work to reassure her. If there’s a monster in the room, use my genius-mother’s solution when my sister was afraid of a wolf in her closet. At bed time, go to the closet, open the door and say in a stern voice, “Wolf? This is Mom. It’s time to go to bed now, we’re all going to bed, so you can’t come out now. OK? Ok.”

  8. Oh yeah, I can relate. Our almost-four-year-old son started doing that, and at first we thought it was so cute…until it happened night after night and we didn’t get any sleep.

    So we had to bite the bullet and just take him back to his bed whenever he came in–we took turns (who’s night is it to take him back?) We had lots of long talks, and told him he could come see us when the sun shines, but not before then. It took almost a week before he stopped coming in, but he did stop.

    We didn’t try locking the door because he would have banged on it until everyone in the house was awake!

  9. hotomom says:

    Wow all of you ladies rock. I love all of the advice. I can’t wait to try one. They are all so good I am not sure which one to try first. I believe that probably bribery will work best. We’ll see. Thanks again everyone.

  10. Sandwiched says:

    With my first child (now 7), she haunted our bedroom late at night, too, when she was around 3. I tried one of Dr. Phil’s suggestions, and it worked like a charm.

    Wait for her to arrive.
    Escort her back to bed with a warning: if she comes back, she may lose something important to her….

    Wait for her to reappear.
    Escort her back to bed without a word.
    Confiscate treasured object.

    Repeat as necessary.

    With my kid, her treasures were her stuffed animals. She lost 3 or 4 of them before we closed her in her room with a baby gate. She threw one of the very biggest tantrums of her life, nearly vomiting, and I cried almost as hard.

    But we held fast, and checked on her about an hour later to find her fast asleep in a puddle on the floor.

    That was it. She didn’t even TRY it the next night. And when she did, a week or so later, all we had to do was REMIND her of what could happen.

    My second (now 4) still appears in the middle of the night from time to time. She doesn’t have any objects that are as precious to her, so the Dr. Phil method hasn’t worked with her. We’ve taken to locking the door (so we can wake up and deal with it before she crawls in with us) and walking her back to her room. Lately, it seems she just wants an escort to the bathroom and a drink of water. It’s just another routine now.

    Good luck! I know it sucks to have to wake up and deal with it (TRUST ME!), but it’s an investment in future restful sleep for all of you.

  11. Happy Mommy says:

    Sometimes tough love is really tough! Like at 3 am! We leave our kids sleeping bags out at the end of their bed and we tell them if they wake up they can get their sleeping bag and pillow and come sleep on the floor in our room. It often makes bed time easier just knowing they can come later. And at times we have 2 or 3 kids in our room but we all have slept well. Give it a try.

  12. jenuinejen says:

    The people above have already given such good responses. I have 2 things to add:
    1. In our house we have a rule that they can get in our bed only on 2 different occasions if they are sick or if there is a really bad storm and they are afraid.
    2. All other times, I escort them back to bed if they get up. Sometimes (most times) they need to go to the restroom and I go with them because they get frightened at night by themselves. We do our best to limit the amount they drink before going to be to prevent this.

  13. […] week was a backwards edition of WFMW and I asked for advice on getting my kids to sleep in their own beds. The advice I received was wonderful. I have started using two of the recommendations. The first […]

  14. […] while back I participated in a WFMW Backwards edition and on that post I had asked for advice on a child that won’t sleep in her own bed and is […]

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